Half (Right) Nelson

Kudos to U.S. Senator Bill Nelson (D-FL) who has proposed a sweeping overhaul of the primary and general election process for president. The senator proposes to replace the current crap primary system with a system of rotating regional elections. This plan would give no permanent "order" advantage to any one state or region--every four years, another region would go first. Brilliant. Good idea.

Unfortunately, the senator also argues for abolishing the Electoral College and going to a direct popular election of the president. This, he correctly argues, would avoid the scenario of a candidate getting more popular votes and losing the presidency—as has happened four times in our history (most recently in 2000). Not so brilliant. Bad idea. No biscuit, Senator.

Here's why. While direct popular election sounds like a good idea, it gives way too much weight to what the Founding Fathers would have lovingly called "The Mob" (no, nothing to do with Tony Soprano). The Electoral College was instituted to protect smaller states from the over-dominance of the larger states—due to their bigger populations. So, in a direct popular plan, California, by virtue of its far greater numbers would blow away Rhode Island in overall influence on the election.

The better solution is for the Electoral College to adopt the plan that works so miserably for the Democratic nomination process, but would be perfect for a national election—proportional representation. That is, if Senator Obama (who will be the Democratic Party nominee, let's face it) gets 60% of the popular vote in Maryland, he would get 60% of the state's Electoral votes (6 out of 10). McCain, conversely, would get the remaining four. This is a far better and fairer way of apportioning electoral votes than the current system, which, in this hypothetical example, would award all 10 of Maryland's votes to Obama.

So, Senator Nelson, you were half-right. Which, frankly, is better than about 99 other senators.

Obama Wins CI's '08 "Crap Phrase Of Year"

Congratulations to Senator Obama for taking a brilliant phrase from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and turning into the most vapid and out-of-context political phrase of the year (in a year chock-full of vapidity). Craptose Intolerance hereby bestows upon him the "Crap Phrase Of The Year Award". Here it is:

"THE FIERCE URGENCY OF NOW"

Dr. King used the phrase as part of a speech exactly one year before his assassination—as he laid out his case against the Vietnam War. Senator Obama, you're no Martin Luther King.

Vatican Issues New Guilt Guidelines

For those of us who were raised in the Roman Catholic faith, the marquee sins of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride are well known.

But far be it from the Vatican to limit our guilt trip to only seven naughty things. The new Pope (you know the one who was in Hitler Youth) has added a little social consciousness to the mix. You see, now it's oh so anti-Christian to "pollute" or carry out "genetic manipulations". And for Socialist Theology 101 fans, you can no longer contribute to "economic injustices".

Basically, if you live in the West and have a job you are sinful, my friend. What drivel.

Wouldn't You Love To See This?

Just In Case You Considered Voting For Her

Here is an illuminating sequence from a transcript of an interview with Sen. Clinton and a New York Times reporter last July:

Hillary Clinton: I believe in the father, son, and Holy Spirit, and I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit on many occasions in my years on this earth.

Reporter: Can I ask you theologically, do you believe that the resurrection of Jesus actually happened, that it actually historically did happen?

Senator Clinton: Yes, I do.

It's True! Alien Arrested In Roswell!

Hold your horses. In fact, an actual alien (one Karina Acosta of Mexico) was arrested outside a school in Roswell, NM.

I'm sure the Discovery Channel is planning a sweeps-week documentary to examine the real place of origin of Ms. Acosta. Stay tuned!